In the years since I first discovered and wrote about Existential Kink in 2017, I've learned a whole lot.

I've learned a lot of powerful theurgy, I've learned way more about dreamwork, and I've learned very many things from my mentor Dr. Robert, including how to resolve acute painful memories and how to communicate with my husband David in a way that keeps our marriage strong.

Since my mind really, really likes to torture me, sometimes I think "oh gosh, all this is other stuff is so great, maybe Existential Kink isn't that great"...

... AND then... my team puts in front of my face another fat stack of emails from people around the world ecstatically exclaiming how much the Existential Kink meditation and attitude has completely changed their lives for the better.

The fact is, Existential Kink helped me when my mind and heart and body were still too jammed up with madness to be able to be reached by all the other great stuff I just listed.

The fact is, Existential Kink helps people every day whom nothing else reaches.

There's something about Existential Kink that's playful and sexy and to-the-point and able to really make sense to suffering folks when every other "transformative" modality on Earth strikes them as too far out, too complicated, too goody-goody.

There's something about Existential Kink that gets people who have been stuck for years with their issues to just FLIP A SWITCH and experience themselves and their lives in an entirely fresh, hot way.

In short, I've learned that Existential Kink, the ability to erotically surrender to the unconscious will long enough to fully feel it and celebrate it, is the essence of powerful magick.

Indeed, if you're a complete weirdo like me and you care to read the most notorious magickian of the 20th century, Aleister Crowley, you'll see that in his final commentary on the Book of the Law, The Law is for All, he says all sorts of stuff that supports the thesis "Existential Kink is the essence of powerful magick." 

For example, Crowley instructs in The Law is for All:

"Unite the conscious will with the true Will, and the conscious Ego with the Silent Self." (41)

"It is bad Magick to admit that one is other than One's inmost self.  

"One should plunge passionately into every possible experience; by doing so one is purged of those personal prejudices which we took so stupidly for ourselves, though they prevented us from realizing our true Wills and from knowing our Names and Natures.

"The Aspirant must well understand that it is no paradox to say that the Annihilation of the Ego in the Abyss is the condition of emancipating the true Self, and exalting it to unimaginable heights.

"So long as one remains 'one's self,' one is overwhelmed by the Universe; destroy the sense of self, and every event is equally an expression of one's Will, since its occurrence is the resultant of the concourse of the forces which one recognizes as one's own." (95)

In other words, learn to get off on your Fate, understand that it's your own true Self who's "doing it to you" and make love with that Self.

Indeed, Existential Kink seems to be a practice that gets at the heart of the Book of the Law's injunction to "remember."

Hadit gives a very specific instruction in the Book of the Law:

"Remember all ye that existence is pure joy; that all the sorrows are but as shadows; they pass & are done; but there is that which remains."

There's no more direct way of "remembering that existence ... is pure joy" than by practicing Existential Kink. 

I could go on and on about this, and maybe I will in an essay devoted to Existential Kink & the Magick of Thelema and the New Aeon...

... but my point here is, me and dear spooky Uncle Crowley both are here to tell you: yes, the deepest magick is in erotic surrender to what your will actually is, not to what your conditioned mind *thinks* that you want.

I created PENETRATE: the Existential Kink coach training program for these 7 reasons:

1)  Judging from my emails, the world hungers for way more Existential Kink help and instruction

2)  Even if I coached clients morning til night every day, I would not be able to match the overwhelming demand for Existential Kink coaching

3) I really, really want everyone to know how to "make the unconscious, conscious" quickly and easily

4) I am always desiring more people to talk about Existential Kink and magick with

5) I want a vast phalanx of brilliant alchemical healers (trained Existential Kink coaches) to sweep the world

6) I am super-judgy of 99 percent of online coach training programs - i.e., I think they straight up suck and are boring, so I wanted to create one that completely does not suck and is far, far from boring

7) I really need more people to exist who can help me get off on my own self-torturous bullshit.  I'm thankful every day that I trained my friends Lucy and Laila (the lead teachers of PENETRATE) as Existential Kink coaches because they're able to see right through me.

If you're reading this in June 2024, applications for this year's round of PENETRATE are still open.  You can click here to learn more and apply.